5 ways to turn yourself on + why you must

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This may come as a surprise to you, but you hold the power of your desire in your own hands.

Do you know that beauty?

I often speak to women who feel ‘stuck’. Their libido isn’t what it used to be.

They feel they’re never in the mood, or intimacy just isn’t something they think about anymore. They, and their partners, often feel disappointed and confused at their loss of desire for sex.

But beauty, did you know, we have the power to turn ourselves on?

We often have an idea that desire should ‘just happen’. But that isn’t the case.

Spontaneous desire is a myth, particularly in long term relationships.

The truth is, desire, sexual energy and pleasure need to be cultivated, lovingly tended to, like anything we want to thrive.

You have power over your own pleasure.

You don’t need to wait for desire to spontaneously arise, or for a partner to find your magic buttons.

You can harness your own desire, and ride your sexual energy. You can find your own magic buttons and then direct your partner to them, showing them exactly the right ways to press them.

We need to take responsibility for our pleasure because it’s our birthright. You were born for pleasure, beauty.

When we take control of our own desire, we stand in our power.

When we make a partner responsible for turning us on, we disempower ourselves.

Long term, that sets up a dynamic destined for challenges; and we deprive ourselves of an incredible force.

Sexual energy is life-force energy.

It’s creative energy.

It’s healing, nourishing and Divine.

Tantra teaches us that this energy is so powerful it can lead us towards Enlightenment and give us a taste of heaven right here on earth.

You were born to live a turned on life.

You simply must.

Here 5 ways you can turn yourself on:

1. Do what lights you up and makes you feel alive

We will never have true passion in the bedroom until our life is also passionate, alive and fulfilling. Turn yourself on outside the bedroom too beautiful. Pay attention to what makes you feel good, discover what lights you up and do what makes you feel alive.

When you embrace your passions and do what lights you up, your happiness and will radiate and be attractive to both you and a partner.


2. Honour yourself as a sensual being

Treat yourself as the Goddess that you are. Sensuality and desire come from within. It starts with you.

So many women I talk to share how they hide their sensuality and sexiness. They don’t show their curves, they don’t wear that bright red lipstick that they love, or they no longer have time to do their hair.

I become complacent sometimes. Perhaps I don’t shave my legs for a few days, I reach for my daggy knickers because I haven’t done the washing.

But when I honour myself, when I wear my favourite lingerie just because, when I give myself permission to be sensual and soulfully sexy, that’s when I feel more open to sharing my body with my lover.

3. Get to know what you love

Give yourself permission beauty to discover, to explore what you love.

Your pleasure starts with you.

Do you know exactly how to touch yourself? Do you know where you like to be stroked, licked, teased? What would you try, what would you ask for if you weren’t holding anything back?

When we discover for ourselves exactly what we like, we can then tell (or show) a lover exactly what we want.

4. Cultivate sexual energy

Sexual energy and desire thrive when we give them our attention, when we nourish them, and make them a priority.

Tantra, the ancient Indian yogic sexual art shares many practices with us that help us cultivate sexual energy.

Right now, as you’re reading this, contract and relax the muscles of your pelvic floor. That’s it, just keep contracting and relaxing. Then add a gentle rocking of the pelvis too, finding your own sensual rhythm, giving your body permission to move itself. Now add sound. Use the sound of the sacral chakra ‘oooh’ to help build your energy. Keep this going for a couple of minutes and then notice how you feel. You should notice your energy build and more sensation and blood flow to your genitals.

We can use these exercises, to cultivate sexual energy on a daily basis. We can also use them in the bedroom to immediately build sexual energy.

So next time your partner is in the mood and you’re not, try these exercises as you get started, you’ll feel the energy build right away.


5. Open your heart

Beauty, our heart and our sex are connected. When both are open, we have life-force energy flowing all the way through us.

One of the most common reasons I see women’s sexual energy fade is because they’re feeling fear or withholding from a partner and when we’re doing that, we’re closing our heart.

When we open our heart, we can invite sexual energy to travel through us and out to those near us.

Opening ourselves sexually to a partner becomes another way of giving love.

By opening our hearts, we allow that flow of energy.


Would you like to cultivate more DESIRE and SEXUAL ENERGY in your life?

Join ‘Reignite Your Desire’,  a personalised coaching program for women. 

We work together over 90 days to cultivate your desire and sexual energy so you create the relationship you really want.




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