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Inviting your lover to intimacy: How to initiate sex with soul

Initiating sexual intimacy is a scary prospect for many of us. We’re all sensitive to the shame of rejection. We can all feel worried about looking silly in front of the person we love. And many of us simply don’t know how to ‘make a move’. Who usually initiates sex in your relationship? Couples often fall into the pattern of one person always initiating intimacy - and in heterosexual relationships that role is predominately the man. The ‘male sexual pursuer’ is a stereotype that continues. But unfortunately, when one person in the relationship is constantly responsible for initiating intimacy, both partners miss out. Everyone likes

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Where to start with Kink, BDSM & 50 Shades of Grey

Have you ever wanted to bring some 50 Shades of Grey into your bedroom but haven’t quite known where to start? Does the idea of being tied up, blindfolded or spanked excite or intrigue you? If you’re looking to bring a little more spice and spark into your relationship, you’re going to love today’s podcast. I’m talking to Tanya Koens (Counsellor and Sex Therapist who I’m lucky enough to share an office with) about all things Kink and BDSM. It’s a conversation well worth hearing. Here’s some of what you’ll get from the episode today: What Kink and BDSM are and why one person’s ‘vanilla’

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Forget grand romantic gestures, this is what women really want from men

For this week’s blog, I started writing an article about how men can be more romantic. It’s something men ask me about A LOT in therapy. I know that men really want to find ways of pleasing their lovers and creating deeper connections. Sometimes, they just struggle to know how. There are many suggestions I have for being more romantic. For example: Buying flowers for no reason Organising a surprise weekend away Running a bath with candles or rose petals, and then giving her a slow, sensual, whole-body massage (with no strings attached) But there’s something I’ve found women want more than those kind of romantic gestures. It’s

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How to get out of your head + into your body in bed

Have you ever found that you can't stop THINKING during sex? Both women and men share with me their struggle to switch off their minds and just enjoy themselves. We can be thinking about our performance and wonder if we’re doing the ‘right things’. We can worry about how our body looks and what our lover is thinking about it. Or we can just struggle to turn off thinking about all the things we have to do. It’s distracting. It stops us enjoying ourselves fully. And it gets in the way of deep intimacy, because when we’re caught in our thoughts we can’t be truly

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