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Reconnecting after kids – Sensuality and Intimacy for Mums

You had a baby.

And everything changed.

You’re tired.

Your body doesn’t feel like yours anymore.

It’s hard for you and your partner to find time to spend together and sex is the last thing on your mind.

But it is possible to maintain connection and intimacy after having children.

My guest today is just as passionate about supporting Mums to do that as I am.

She has a very personal and inspirational story to tell about it and a wealth of wisdom for Mamas on being connected to themselves and brining more joy to their whole families.

After many energetic conversations of coffee, we decided it was time we hit the record button and share what we have to say together.

You’ll want to hear the whole conversation, but here are some of the highlights:

  • Practical tips Leonie and I recommend (and use ourselves) to maintain a connected, loving, passionate relationship
  • How mindfulness + self care help everything, including your relationship
  • The order our priorities need to be in and how most of us have it completely wrong
  • How Leonie reacted when faced with every mother’s worst sex fear – what she said was priceless!
  • The importance of sex in any relationship
  • Why it’s okay to get support

 

Watch

 

Listen

Links Related to this Episode

Leonie Percy is a mindfulness expert, mentor and author of MotherOm who works with Mums to help them find more joy in motherhood. She is the founder of www.leoniepercy.com and www.yogamamata.com

Like Leonie’s Facebook page or join her Facebook group Connected Families to be part of her free program 21 Days of Mindfulness for Mums.

Mindful Meditaions

 

 

Remember Mama, you don’t need to do this on your own.

You can get support for a more loving, connected, harmonious partnership here.

 

Orgasms are awesome except when we’re not having them

Orgasms.

They’re awesome.

Except when we’re not having them.

Then, you can feel like you’re the only one in the world not having great sex.

You can feel frustrated, hopeless and like you’re some kind of failure (which of course is rubbish).

Beauty, I want you to know:

You’re not alone.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
And most importantly, you can LEARN or orgasm.

 

Here are the facts:

30% of women struggle to reach orgasm.
10% of us have never had an orgasm at all.
Therapy/Coaching has a 90% success rate for helping women reach orgasm.

 

If you are struggling to reach orgasm, there are probably two questions on your mind:

Why? + How can I fix it?

 

Here are the most common reasons women struggle to reach orgasm:

 

  • Not enough time spent in foreplay
  • Lack of intimacy in a relationship
  • The effects of prescribed medications or substance use
  • Illness, injuries or other pelvic conditions
  • Subconscious beliefs around sex passed to us by our family, religion or culture
  • Not having the right information about the way we function sexually
  • Not being able to let a partner know what is most enjoyable
  • Performance anxiety and trying really hard to have an orgasm
  • Not being able to stop thinking during sex
  • Needing some practical information and advice, such as what’s the easiest way to reach orgasm, how other women masturbate and what an orgasm feels like

 

Here’s what we might do in therapy (or set for home work) to teach your body to have orgasms consistently and reliably:

 

  • Explore your sexual history, the way your family talked about sex and messages that you received through your religion.
  • Give you the kind of sex education that we all should have had, but probably didn’t get. This includes understanding the kinds of orgasms you can have, which are most common and how you have them.
  • Share vital knowledge about your special lady parts like where the G-Spot is, why the clitoris is so important and how it’s much bigger than we give it credit for. (Don’t worry, there’s no nudity in my sessions.)
  • Understand how men and women are different in regard to sex and specifically what women need that often gets overlooked.
  • Using a combination of talk therapy and guided mediation we help you overcome any subconscious beliefs about sex and intimacy that might be holding you back. For example – ‘good girls don’t do that’, a fear of letting go, guilt and shame around sex, wanting to stay in control.
  • We’ll talk about how you can involve a partner in your journey to becoming orgasmic, how you can ask for what you want (while still honouring his sex God) and ensure your relationship is the best is can be.
  • Importantly, I’ll also share practical tips based on my knowledge as a sexologist and Tantra teacher that can help you have orgasms regularly.

You’ll also get detailed home work (or home play as I like to call it) that helps you put everything you’re learning into practice.

 

Learn more

Find out more in my free download ‘What Every Woman Needs to Know About O’ here.

And if you want to know more about how I can help, book a free 15 minute call with me here.

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I offer therapy and coaching sessions via Skype to women all over the world and in my office in Surry Hills, Sydney.

 

 

How to open yourself to the deepest love of your life

We all long for love, beauty.

Deep, connected, soulful love.

We want a companion. Someone we can trust. Someone we can grow with.

But I don’t need to tell you that, do I?

I’m watching two people close to me go through the whole ‘dating thing’ at the moment. Although I think I will always feel slightly deprived that I missed Tinder, I don’t envy them.

Every time I hear stories of their latest dating (mis)adventures, I feel lucky to have found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I didn’t happen without some trial and error though. There have been some heart-breaks and disasters along the way.

Like the weekend I spent in fetal position at my parents house after a particularly disastrous break up. Or the ‘Romantic Weekend Away’ I had that began with him throwing up in the seat pocket of the plane and ended with us not talking. Yes, 3 weeks is too soon to visit a friend’s island property with someone you just met online, but try telling that to my 24 year old self.

I firmly believe though that what allowed me to find the incredible man I now spend my days with was me continuing to show up for myself and following the advice below.

Want to know what I did for myself to attract deep, soulful and lasting love?

I’m sharing my ‘secrets’ with you, love.

These secrets are also what supports me to continued deepening and intimacy in my relationship. And for me, that’s one of the biggest secrets, to continue deepening, to continue growing.

Here are 5 things you must do to attract (or create) the best love of your life.


1. Start a passionate love affair with yourself

Fall in love with yourself first beauty, fall deeply in love.

You, as much as anyone else in the world, deserves your love. And you have so much of it to give.

The relationship you have with yourself will be the most enduring, profound and important relationship you’ll ever have with anyone and it will influence every other relationship you create.

When we start by falling in love with who we are, we don’t ‘need’ someone else. We don’t need them to make us feel better about ourselves, we don’t need them to ‘complete’ us, we show up whole and knowing our worth. And that changes everything.

From there we get to attract a relationship that is truly loving, equal and strong.

Show yourself love in every way that you can. Be kind to yourself, spoil yourself, buy yourself flowers, take yourself out.


2. Be willing to be vulnerable

Oh darling, I know you’re afraid of being hurt again, I know you’re afraid of people seeing how much you hurt, how vulnerable you really feel, but that’s the doorway in. This is the biggest block I see to people finding the love they seek.

Allow your vulnerability to be seen. It’s vulnerability that we fall in love with. It’s only with vulnerability that we can have true intimacy.

You don’t need to put on a brave face. You don’t need to pretend you have it all together, none of us do.

Put down your guard. It’s scary as hell (and please don’t put yourself in danger) but covering up how you really feel only creates separation between you and everything on the outside.

Don’t wait for ‘the right one’ to be vulnerable, it won’t happen then either. Practice everyday, with yourself, with your friends, with those close to you.


3. Clear out old patterns

Have you noticed a pattern in some of your relationships? Many patterns we form in relationships go back to our childhood.

We continue to recreate feelings and situations we had in our early relationships. Perhaps it’s a feeling not really loved, fear of abandonment, lack of trust.

We can carry emotion from past relationships, whether they be with a lover or our parents, into a current relationship and we respond not to what is actually happening now, but through a filter of what has been painful or unresolved in our past.

We’re never going to ‘clear’ everything, but really looking at what you’re carrying with you around being close to others, will pave the way for a powerful relationship to come into your life and improve any relationship you have going forward.

Talking through it with a therapist is amazingly helpful to resolve some of these patterns, beauty.


4. Refuse to compromise

I don’t mean that you wait for Mr or Mrs Perfect. Quite frankly, they don’t exist.

But you should never need to give up things that are important to you or things that you value in a relationship just to make it work.

Don’t settle for something that you know deep down isn’t right. Don’t stay with someone just because you’re scared you won’t find someone better for you.

When we meet the right person, they come with their flaws and differences, but we don’t have to give up the things that we know we need.

If we do that, we’re selling ourselves short and telling the Universe ‘this is all I deserve’.

You deserve an incredible, loving and soulful relationship beauty. You deserve to be fully met.

Don’t ever forget that.


5. Be the invitation + share your Radiance

In Tantra, feminine energy provides an invitation. We invite connection and deep intimacy by opening and sharing our radiance.

Our radiance comes from accepting all of who we are, settling deep into our bodies and opening our hearts.

We allow the energy of our sensuality and love to move through us.

Your radiance is a gift beauty, it nourishes those around you. It calls them in.

Connect to your feminine energy, embody your sensual essence, it’s right there waiting for you. Let it shine from within you.

 

Tell me in the comments below beauty:

How have you attracted or created the best love of your life?

 

 

Awakening the cervix and uterul orgasms

In my Soulful Bedroom Goddess Workshops and online courses, one of the most loved parts is learning the 7 kinds of orgasm women can have.

Who doesn’t want to learn new and better ways of experiencing pleasure in their body?

Explaining the kinds of orgasm is a story for another day (look out for an upcoming webinar), but what I will say is that one of them involves the uterus and almost of them involve taking your time and slowly building to more pleasure.

That’s why I was thrilled to talk about just that on today’s podcast episode with Olivia Bryant, co-founder of Awakening the Cervix.

You’ll totally want to hear all of what we had to say, but here are my favourite takeaways:

  • Why slowing down and learning to relax is so important to your enjoyment of sex
  • Exactly what is needed to reach heightened states of pleasure
  • What ‘de-armouring’ is and why it helps you feel more during sex
  • How you can experience cervical pleasure and the elusive uteral orgasm

 

Watch our chat here

 

Listen to the Podcast

Links Related to this Episode

Learn more about Olivia here.

Join Awakening the Cervix online here.

 

Female Ejaculation: It’s really a thing.

A couple of weeks ago, I got a text message that almost made me fall of my chair.

Every time I get a message from this friend, I know it’s going to be something awesome because that’s the kind of woman she is. This message didn’t disappoint.

 

She wrote: Babe, it’s REALLY a thing! We’ve been ‘researching’ and it’s an actual thing. I know you know this, but there’s not many people I can share my new discovery with.

So of course I replied: um what is?

And here’s the part where I nearly fell off my chair:  oh. Female ejaculation.

My reply: I’m so happy for you!

Female ejaculation, also called ‘squirting’ IS a real thing.

And it’s a really enjoyable thing.

I can only imagine said friend had a lot of fun ‘researching’ its existence. For anyone curious about doing their own research, here’s a quick rundown.


What is Female Ejaculation?

Female ejaculation, or ‘squirting’ refers to a particular liquid being expelled from the vagina during arousal or at the time of orgasm. The liquid is colourless, odourless and has a water-like consistency.

Aristotle wrote about it (1).

In Tantra (the ancient Indian sexual art) there was even a special word for it “amrita” meaning Divine Nectar.

Biochemical testing shows ejaculate is different to urine and lubricating fluids (which are usually more sticky – I just said that.) It’s actually similar to prostate fluid in men and contains fructose (1).

That being said, there is some debate about large amounts of liquid being released, with some sexologists believing large amounts of fluid may be a combination of ejaculate and diluted urine (1). But you know what, if it feels good, so what?


Is it normal?

Some women ejaculate naturally.

Unfortunately without understanding ejaculation, women can worry they’ve peed. Feeling embarrassed, women might withhold orgasm so this ‘release’ doesn’t happen again. If that’s you – I want you to know it’s totally okay – you’re normal and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

Other women teach themselves to ejaculate.

Because it feels incredible, like a kind of fun, bubbly orgasm that is possible to have multiple times in a row.
Do we all need to do it?

No, of course not. In regard to sex, it’s important you do what feels comfortable and enjoyable for you.


How can I learn to ejaculate?

Here are some tips to get you started:

  • If you’re worried about things getting messy, put a protector sheet or towel down before you begin so you can relax and let go.
  • You can practice on your own or with a trusted partner (and yes, practice is key, you might not ‘get it’ the first time you try). You’ll need to communicate well for this to work. If you’re on your own, a special G-spot vibrator can be helpful too.
  • Get well acquainted with your G-spot, it’s going to need lots of stimulation. If you don’t know how to find it, see this post. You might also like to join Soulful Bedroom Goddess Online where you get detailed G-spot information that WILL change your life + loads of other great information.
  • Relax and slow down. To stimulate your G-spot, you’ll need to take your time. Spend time in foreplay then gently begin stimulating your G-spot. Use a combination of G-spot stimulation and clitoral stimulation.
  • At the moment of orgasm bear down (push put) slightly.

Persistence is key. Your research in this area might take some time, practice and patience, but it can open a whole new world of enjoyment.

 

[1] Zaviacic, M., & Whipple, B. (1993). Update on the female prostate and the phenomenon of female ejaculation. The Journal of Sex Research, 30(2), 148.
[2] Whipple, B. (2002). The human female prostate: From vestigial skene’s paraurethral glands and ducts to woman’s functional prostate. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 31(5), 457-458.

 


Now I want to hear from you.

Tell me in the comments below:
What has been your experience as a woman of ejaculating?

 

 

You are Enough – an interview with Cassie Mendoza-Jones


You are enough. You are good enough. You are worthy of great things.

Do you believe me beautiful?

I didn’t believe it about myself for years. Instead I listened to a voice within me that told me the opposite.

I have to give my inner critic credit: She is persistent and very convincing.

My inner critic still shows up for me on a daily basis. But there’s a difference for me now. I know I don’t need to listen to her. I don’t need to believe her.

Self-doubt and criticism manifest in our lives in different ways:

– Trying to prove ourselves

– Not putting ourselves ‘out there’

– Settling for things we know aren’t good for us

– Never giving ourselves a break

– And of course self-doubt and criticism show up in our relationships

 

Although I’m a Relationship Therapist, you’ve probably noticed I often talk about self-love.

Self-love, or self-worth is one of the most important foundations of an incredible relationship.

In helping couples have happier and more loving partnerships, I often find myself coaching each individual on embracing their worth, building self-confidence and giving themselves more down-time. I work on this with single people looking to attract love too.

If you’ve ever experienced self-doubt (that’s all of us right?) you’ll LOVE today’s podcast interview with Cassie Mendoza-Jones, author of ‘You are Enough’.

 

Cassie offers a powerful message in her book:

You don’t need to DO more in order to BE more. Your worth is inherent, it is always there. And, when we move from a place of knowing our worth, rather than trying to prove ourselves, everything changes.

 

Some of the highlights of our interview include:

– Cassie and I sharing our own stories of believing in ourselves

– How to make friends with your inner critic and coach out your inner ally

– Why it’s vital we give ourselves time and space for self nourishment

– Exactly where to start when you feel you’re lacking in self-worth

 

 

Listen to the Podcast here

Cassie Mendoza-Jones

Cassie Mendoza-Jones is a kinesiologist, naturopath and the author of You Are Enough (Hay House). She works with women and mindful, heart-centred entrepreneurs who feel stuck, burnt out, unworthy and disconnected to themselves. She shows them how to increase their self-care, self-worth and self-acceptance on every level, while making it all feel like it’s the most natural thing in the world. (Truth: it can be.)

Go to Cassie’s website: https://www.elevatevitality.com.au
Connect with Cass on Facebook here.
Follow her on Instagram here.

 

If you enjoyed this episode, you might also like:

How I learned to love my body

How embodiment and pleasure can help you in love, life and business

What self-love really means and how it can transform absolutely everything

7 Steps to Soulful Self-Love

 

 

3 surefire ways to stop any argument with your lover fast and get back into loving connection

Do you ever find yourself raising your voice to be heard? Giving in because you can’t be bothered getting in an argument anymore but secretly resenting your partner for it?

Or simply giving your partner the silent treatment?

You can be pretty damn sure that if in the middle of a heated discussion I say to you ‘no problem,’ we have a very big problem.

It’s a sign that I’ve cut off, shut down and am probably using some pretty colourful language about you in my head. The argument might be over – for now – but I’m not going to be in loving connection with anyone.

I think we’ve all experienced how a seeming innocent discussion can quickly turn into an argument at times, and you find yourself shaking your head at how you could fight over something so trivial. I still remember a particularly heated exchange my partner and I had not long after we’d moved in together – it was about how I was drying the towels (or not drying them as he still sees it)!

Walking out of the room might quickly stop an argument, but it’s not exactly a formula for building long term connection and intimacy.

Unresolved tension and resentment are a guaranteed passion killer.

Life is far too precious to spend time being angry and frustrated with the person you love, so here are 3 surefire way to stop any argument fast and get back into loving connection.

These work with your lover, but also someone you meet on the street or Sharon from the office who just really knows how to push your buttons.

1. Use these two words: You’re right

In an argument, we’re usually focussed on trying to get our point across, rather than listening to the other person. Using this strategy requires you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a moment and really listening to what they’re saying.

You might not agree with everything that there saying, but look for what you do agree with. Try to understand how they arrived at their perspective. Their position will always make sense based on their unique perspective and feelings – even if it makes no sense to you.

Looking for what we do agree with and trying to understand the other person immediately stops us being defensive or firing back something that we’ll end up regretting later.

For example:

“You’re right, I can really understand how you feel that way.”
“You’re right, being careful with our finances is important right now.”
“You’re right, I could have done that better.”

Saying ‘you’re right’ doesn’t mean you’re wrong.

It also doesn’t mean that you also don’t share how you’re feeling. For example, you might follow up with:

“Another way to look at this is…”
“Are you open to hearing what it’s like from my perspective?”
“What I would really like is…”

2. Focus on what you want from the relationship

When you really stop and think about it, what do you want from your relationship with your partner?

Not in the heat of the moment, but long-term. ‘Being right’ might make you feel better temporarily, but is that what you really want in your relationship?

Most likely what you want is love, connection, happiness and harmony.

When that answer becomes your focus, whatever is going on between you in the moment stops mattering so much. You can let go of the little things, and focus on what you really want.

Then ask yourself, what could I do in this moment that would serve my deepest wants?

When your actions serve your deepest wants you find an inner alignment that is reflected outwards.

3. Take full responsibility

There are always two sides in an argument; there are ways we both contribute to what is going on.

Like saying ‘you’re right’, taking full responsibility doesn’t mean you’re wrong. Taking full responsibility is really about noticing the ways you’re showing up and taking responsibility for that.

Taking full responsibility means being aware of your emotions, reactions and patterns – without blaming your partner for how you’re feeling. It requires self-awareness. It requires you to stop for a moment and look inwards, to the depths of your pain.

There’s a vulnerability and an openness that comes from taking full responsibility that is powerful.

It takes the heat right out of the moment. There is no longer anything to fight against when you take full responsibility. You partner is far more likely to listen and want to reason with you.

You will know when you’re taking full responsibility because it actually feels better. The push goes out of you, there’s a kind of relief you feel. You hold yourself with more compassion and in doing so you can hold your partner with more compassion too.

Vulnerably sharing your emotions is a powerful way to regain intimacy and sustain your connection long-term.
So next time you catch tension rising in a conversation, try one of these tips. I guarantee it will change the outcome for you.

Even though it might feel a little challenging at first, I’ve found that with practice, they become more natural. And actually as I see how using these benefits my relationship, I’m more willing to use them.

If you are if you are having arguments in your relationship, therapy can really help. Come and check out some of the programs I offer for couples. Click here

Now I want to hear from you. In the comments below, tell me:

How did these tips work for you?

Do you have more suggestions for stopping an argument that you can share?

 

Fertility, Hormones and Sensuality

When I read about the work today’s guest does with women trying to conceive, I knew I had to interview her.

So much of the sex education we’re given as adolescents is about how NOT to get pregnant. 

We’re rarely given education about our hormonal fluctuations, our fertile times or what to do when we fail to conceive.

For many women, this can lead to feeling disappointment and even betrayal when becoming pregnant doesn’t happen right away.

Infertility can be a heart-breaking journey.  It impacts on our confidence, our relationships and our sex lives.  Women and couples struggling to become pregnant often suffer in silence.  Sex can become functional, planned and associated with the devastation of not falling pregnant once again.

Rarely are fertility and sensuality talked about together.  

My guest today supports women with both infertility and sensuality through her coaching and online programs.

In today’s episode, we talk about fertility hormonal cycles and how women struggling to fall pregnant can reconnect to their bodies and their sensual selves.  Zahra shares practical tips for women ready to conceive and how to manage to anxiety associated with infertility.  And we take on the taboos of menstruation, miscarriage and sexuality.

Zahra encourages women to learn their own rhythm and cycles and how we can use this knowledge to step into our feminine power, creating better relationships, and living a fuller, happier life.

 

Watch the video

 

Listen to the podcast

More about Zahra

Dreamed up and brought to life by yoga teacher and divine feminine wellness coach, Zahra Haji, Yoga Goddess is committed to teaching women how to embrace the beauty of their bodies fertile and sensual health. She’s the creator of Sensual Magic, a 6-week program to reclaim passion and reclaim intimacy in your relationship (even if you feel like you don’t have ‘it’ anymore).
 
If you’ve lost the spark of intimacy in your relationship, we’re going to help you reclaim it today because you deserve to experience a satisfying and fulfilling life-long partnership with the love of your life, even if he hasn’t shown up yet.
 
Follow Zahra on Social Media:

 

How Embodiment and Pleasure can help you in Love, Life and Business

My journey to getting out of my head and learning to connect with my body led to an incredible turning point in my life.

I was 22 and just discovered Tantric Yoga.

I had never been very good at meditating. My mind seemed to actually get BUSIER every time I tried to sit down and be quiet. Tantra showed me a different path.

It taught me to drop out of my head by getting in touch with my body.

In doing that, I discovered my open heart, full of deep peace and wisdom. I learned to connect more deeply with my ‘gut feelings’, an inner wisdom which I found to be a wonderful guide for me.

It was here that I discovered more confidence and love for my body.

It was also here that I discovered the power of pleasure, deeper intimacy and how to live a spirit-led life. Instead of listening to my head, the incessant thoughts and doubts, I now had a direct connection to the wisdom of my heart.

Watching the transformation that happens as women learn to connect with their bodies is so joyful for me – and has become the foundation of my work with relationships, sensuality and sexuality.

In today’s podcast, I had the incredible pleasure of interviewing Jenna Ward, a woman whose wisdom I admire deeply.

Jenna has an incredible story of her own, moving from a successful career as a hospital pharmacist to an Embodiment and Energy Mentor.

In today’s podcast episode we discuss our own experiences of the wisdom, pleasure and desire that come when we drop out of our heads and into our body.

We share stories of the the transformation that has happened in our lives, relationships and businesses when we stopped pushing ourselves and started opening to pleasure – and why this is so important for other women too.

We also share a beautiful discussion about the connection between sensuality and spirituality – something we’re both passionate about.

Jenna’s message of becoming an embodied woman, opening your heart and trusting something deeper is a profound message for any woman.

I can honestly say this has been my favourite podcast interview so far; I hope you enjoy it too.

Watch the video

Listen to the podcast

Links related to today’s episode

Jenna is offering a FREE webinar, The Essence of Enough on June 2. Join her webinar here.

The Embodied Woman – Jenna also offers an incredible online program to support women to get out of their heads and connect with the wisdom of their bodies and feminine essence.  Discover more about The Embodied Woman here.

SBG11 Powerful feminine energy and the dance of opposites

It’s not every day you get to talk to someone who has been described as a ‘Yoni Power Pioneer’, so I was absolutely thrilled to talk to Elise Carr on the podcast this week.

Just in case you’re wondering what a Yoni Power Pioneer is, don’t worry, I had to ask too.

Yoni is a word that we use commonly in Tantra. It’s an ancient Indian (Sanscrit) word that means a woman’s genitals and womb space. Elise’s work is helping women connect with this part of themselves and their powerful feminine energy.

We spoke about an often misunderstood concept of power and how we as women can find power and strength while still being in our feminine energy.

We also discuss the alchemy that happens when we embrace the masculine and feminine energies inside of us – and the incredible dance that happens when we bring these to a relationship. Understanding how these energies work can help us accept differences between us and our partners.

Instead of trying to be like them – or expecting them to behave like us – we can embrace them for who they are. We can dance together.

Watch the video

Listen to the podcast

Links related to today’s episode

Go to Elise’s website ‘StellaMuse’ here.

Sign up for Elise’s free 4 part video series ‘Divinely Empowered Woman’ here.

If you enjoyed this episode, you might also enjoy:

What is Tantra and how can it help you live a more sensual and soulful life.

5 surprising benefits of Tantra

 

What do you think of Elise’s advice? Did anything that she had to share surprise you?

Share your comments below.