“I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm”

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How can you tell if you’ve had an orgasm? 

Do you ever feel like you’re close, but can’t quite get there? 

Perhaps some women just can’t orgasm? 

I know many  women struggle to or are unable to reach orgasm, but feel too embarrassed to talk to someone about it.

Don’t worry – you’re really not alone – about 30% of women struggle to reach orgasm and many have never had an orgasm at all.  

It is sometimes hard to tell if you’ve had an orgasm because some orgasms are different to others.  Some are big and go through your whole body like amazing rolling waves and others are smaller – like a little burst of pleasure that lasts for just a few seconds.

Orgasms are categorised by involuntary rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles including the anus.  It feels like fast pulsing and is often accompanied by a warm or tingling feeling.  But if you don’t really know what you’re looking for it can be hard to tell if you’ve had an orgasm or if you’re just really, really aroused.

There is a very small percentage of women who are unable to orgasm, but most women can learn to orgasm with the right support.  

It is kind of complicated for women to orgasm.  We need just the right amount of tension and relaxation and many things can get in the way including:

  • Tiredness
  • Hormones
  • Anxiety, stress, depression and other emotions
  • Not feeling connected to your partner
  • Not knowing what you really like when it comes to sex
  • Inability to let go
  • Negative beliefs around sex
  • A history of sexual abuse
  • Not spending enough time ‘warming up’

If you are experiencing challenges having an orgasm, I know that it can be frustrating for both you and your partner.  But stay with it – learning to orgasm is worthwhile. 

And help is available – you may benefit from books on how to orgasm, or from the guided support of an experienced Sexologist or Sex Therapist.

Helping women learn to orgasm is really some of the most rewarding work that I do.  It’s an absolute privilege to guide women to experience greater sexual satisfaction and have more fulfilling relation relationships because of it.

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