The very first step in Couples Therapy + how it can radically change your relationship

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I remember the first time I went to therapy like it was yesterday.

I remember how I’d dismissed my doctor’s suggestion that I talk to someone, because ‘I’m not the kind of person that needs to do that’.

I remember how angry I’d felt with my friend who also suggested it. She happened to be a therapist herself, so she was obviously biased.

I remember how nervous I felt going to my first session. What would he think of me? What would my friends think of me? Was I going to be told I was a lost cause?

Honestly, it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

I saw my therapist for 3 months and it helped me completely turn my life around.

I never once felt judged. I learned practical tools to change challenges in my life and I had a sounding board that helped things stop running over and over in my mind.

Could I have done it on my own?

Probably. But I can tell you having an expert by my side to help made it a heck of a lot easier.

I’ve been back to therapy since then. Actually, I still see a therapist sometimes. Not because it didn’t work – but because I became committed to growth, self-awareness and happiness.

I became so committed that I wanted to help others too.

“Therapy is just digging up old problems and telling each other what we’re doing wrong.”

When I talk to people about coming to Couples Therapy and Coaching for the first time, they’re often worried that it will involve a lot of talking about problems or having their partner share all the things they don’t like about them.

Making life more stressful certainly isn’t the goal of therapy.

While gathering some background information is necessary, the focus of therapy is to set positive goals, with determination and optimism – and to take practical steps to reach these goals.

This is our very first step in Couples Therapy and Coaching: to set positive goals.

This brings hope to you and your relationship and helps create solutions.

Psychological research has shown that when we focus on moving towards what we do want – rather than moving away from things we don’t want – we make change faster and more effectively.

In psychology terms, we call these ‘approach goals’, rather than ‘avoidance goals’. And, if you’re slightly woo-woo, you might call it ‘the law of attraction’.

Fixating on problems is painful. And it just isn’t effective. If we’re continually focussed on what’s ‘wrong’, we stay stuck.

Which is why therapy and coaching (at least with me), isn’t about focusing on problems or digging up issues from the past.

It’s about creating strategies for moving forward using practical tools, information, understanding and positivity so you can have a connected, harmonious relationship and a loving sex life.

I’m sharing this with you for two reasons today:

1. It isn’t just in our relationships that setting positive goals helps us. Turning your attention to positive goals immediately shifts your mindset from problem to solution.

When focusing on the positive goals we want becomes a habit, we see radical change in our relationships – and our lives.

Setting positive goals literally supports us in every area of our lives.

2. Because I know that when you’re thinking about coming to therapy, you probably feel nervous, worry that it will make things worse, or that you’ll open a can of worms. But that wasn’t my experience of therapy – and it hasn’t been the experience of thousands of people I’ve worked with over the past decade.

In fact, at the end of the first session the vast majority of clients report feeling “relieved”, “hopeful” and “positive”.

I know taking that first step to go to therapy is hard. I’ve been there. But I also know, it was worth it.

Right now, I have just 3 spaces open for women or couples to join me in private Therapy and Coaching.

If you’ve been saying ‘I need to do something about this’, now is your time.

I’d like to invite you to book a 20 minute, no obligation call with me.

We’ll talk about your goals, your hopes and answer any questions you have.

You could look back on this as one of the best decision you’ve ever made. Book your 20 minute call with me here.

I’m looking forward to talking to you.

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